Supporting Conversations:
Talking About Pregnancy after Loss
Sharing with friends and family that you’re pregnant after loss can be a scary conversation to have. You need to have the balance between celebrating new life and remembering the past.
Understanding that it’s complex
Pregnancy after loss isn’t necessarily a simple journey. People who have experienced stillbirth or neonatal loss may still feel a sense of grief. It’s natural to feel guilt whilst also feeling excitement. Loved ones need to understand these emotions and accept them.
Preparing to 'Share the News'
When and how to share the news of a new pregnancy is a personal decision. Some choose to wait until after a specific milestone or a certain number of weeks. Others may share their news with friends and family early to give them a support bubble. Here are a few things to think about:
● When do you want to share the news? Decide on a time that feels right for you and your partner. This will be different for everyone, so don’t compare your experience to anyone else.
● What boundaries do you want to put in place? Be clear about what you’re comfortable announcing and what you’d rather to keep private. If someone asks you something you don’t want to talk about, that’s okay!
IVF Help with Pregnancy
For some parents, the journey to pregnancy after loss involves some help. This may include assisted reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilisation (IVF). IVF can bring with it some emotional and physical challenges that you’ll need to navigate. There are many different ways to announce that you’re getting IVF. It’s up to you how you decide to do it. Here are some things to consider:
● Deciding What to Share: It’s up to you how much detail you’d like to share about the IVF process. If you don’t want to go into too much detail, you could say “We needed some help to get pregnant.” If you feel more comfortable, it’s okay to share specifics.
● Addressing Misconceptions: Unfortunately, many people aren’t educated about IVF. They may be unaware of the emotional toll it can bring and the uncertainty that comes along with it. They’ll be times where you’ll have to explain certain things to people so they can better understand the process. You can do this in as much or as little detail as you’d like.
● Find and Create a Support Bubble: Make loved ones aware of how they can support you through your journey. For example, you may ask them to check up on you through texts or phone calls.
Friends and family may respond in different ways to your pregnancy after loss. While most intentions are kind, some may feel more unsupportive. Here’s what to do when someone says something which feels unsupportive:
● Be prepared for Mistakes: Loved ones may accidentally say something hurtful. It’s okay to correct them gently. You could say something like: “It helps me when you focus on the present rather than the future.” Remember you can take space when needed as well.
● Appreciate Support: When someone is understanding, let them know. This way, they’re more likely to do it again in the future.
Building a Supportive Space
Creating an environment where parents feel safe to share their emotions is helpful. This might involve:
● Talk to them regularly: Simple texts like, “How are you?” can show you care. Giving them a text or phone call and asking about their day can also mean a lot.
● Gently Celebrating: Celebrate milestones in a respectful way. You don’t need to go over the top with celebrations, simple gestures are good too!
Finding Professional Support
Talking about pregnancy after loss can be an overwhelming feeling. Encouraging loved ones to find more support is a good start. This could be going to counselling or joining a support group. Someone else’s experience may help them feel less alone on their journey.
Family and friends can support parents on their journey. Really listening and understanding will mean more to them than you may think.
"Luna's Fund have been incredible throughout our rainbow journey, from additional scans that helped ease anxiety to ongoing reassuring messages and support. As well as the lovely box of gifts we received once our little one arrived, such a thoughtful gesture. Luna's Fund have been the most amazing support, we are so grateful for everything."